Perimenopause - a taboo topic?
I was watering my plants the other day—a ritual that usually energizes me and lights me up—when a sudden wave of sadness washed over me. It felt off. I found myself asking, "Hmm, where did that sadness come from?”
A quick check of my app confirmed: my period was a few days away.
It was such a powerful reminder that I am not my sadness; I am simply experiencing a wave of it. There was nothing "wrong" in my life to be sad about, yet my body and heart needed to express that emotion.
This realization gave me the space to stay out of my head and simply observe.
The Irony
I find it quite funny and ironic that I am becoming more aware and attuned to my cycle now—during perimenopause.
I still feel awkward talking about my body, but I’ve realized that with perhaps only a year or two of bleeding left, now is the time to talk about it.
At 45, I am choosing to release the shame around this gift of being a woman. This body of ours that bleeds. That ruptures in ecstasy. That shifts with the moon. That changes in form and size ever so often.
Very few of us have had a safe space to talk about our bodies—not even with friends, and most especially not with our families.
I'm part of a generation that feels shame in talking about sex and our sexual desires—even in the context of marriage. It is even harder to talk about any form of sexual abuse. Most often, women are left to internalize the shame.
I am talking about this very difficult topic because the shame we carry weighs on our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It becomes harder for us to resolve these deep-seated issues when we cannot voice the loud shame we carry in silence.
So when we start talking about our bodies, the shame resurfaces. This is probably why we hesitate to share the shifts happening inside us. Perimenopause at first felt like my body was turning against me. But as I slowly accepted it for what it is, it gave me the courage to appreciate the season I am in and the voice to speak about it.
Riding the Wave
Right now, in this moment, everything feels clear. But I also know that in a few days, I may barely have the energy to get out of bed. This is all part of the wave.
I am learning to discern when to push and when tobe.
When the energy is there, I make room for activity. Move. Create. When the energy decreases—ah, it's a sign to welcome rest. I used to hate myself for resting, but now I get excited. Some people don't like to binge-watch, but when I have my period, I catch up on my series, movies, and books. To each their own.
By softening my resistance to the inevitable highs and lows of my emotions, my energy, and my turbulent mind, I find that my life becomes less turbulent.
Shame, sadness, and any suppressed emotion will always find a way to be expressed. They will come to the surface when we least expect them—just like the wave of sadness I felt when I was watering my plants. So random!
The path of least resistance is awareness. The moment we become aware, the emotion looses its grip and we are freed.
An Invitation to Pause
Let's take that moment right now.
I invite you to pause, take a breath, and create a safe, non-judgmental space for your emotions to come forward.
Close your eyes for a few moments while becoming more aware of your breath. Hands on your heart.
Whisper to your heart:Are there any emotions waiting to be expressed right now?
Keep being conscious of your breath. Keep creating the space.
If any emotions come up, just be an observer. Notice how your body reacts to different kinds of emotions. Feel them without attaching a story around them.
Write down the negative emotions that come up and burn the paper, or tear it to pieces and throw them out.
Repeat as often as needed.
Emotions are messengers. They carry a message from the past. Perhaps it's a story that simply wants to be resolved (and we cannot resolve them until we face them).
Try this exercise a few times and let me know how it feels.
Sending my love through the shifts and changes happening in your life right now. You are not alone.
Riding the wave with you,
Ness
P.S. Would you like a copy of my Free 8-Day Self Awareness worksheet? Sign up to my monthly newsletter to receive updates and FREE resources. HERE
